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Wooden Boot Tray: The Slat Gap That Drains Right

Wooden Boot Tray: The Slat Gap That Drains Right

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The South of Fifth Street neighborhood in Miami Beach, with Portofino Tower rising above Biscayne Bay and the Atlantic Ocean visible beyond South Pointe Park.
Real Estate

Who Could Say No to a "Casa Disco in the Sky"? Miami Beach Lists Its Most Glamorous Townhouse at $9.5M.

The listing name is "Casa Disco in the Sky." The architect is Arnold Schulman. The style is High-Glamour Art Deco Revival. The price is $9,495,000, cut from $9,995,000 in April. The bedroom floor has art on it that Reddit described as "interesting" and possibly instructions. Reddit also predicted an NFL rookie would spend his entire contract on this. Reddit is not wrong.

What "High-Glamour Art Deco Revival" Means in Practice

The two-story townhouse at Portofino Tower in South of Fifth occupies 5,450 square feet of interior living space plus terraces, entered via a private elevator. The centerpiece is a 600-square-foot dedicated disco room with a Rolls-Royce-inspired starlight ceiling and direct skyline views — a room whose existence as a permanent residential feature of a $9.5 million home raises no questions that the starlight ceiling does not immediately answer. The living area has a bar. The media room is black lacquer with sunrise and sunset views. Black Galaxy Granite runs underfoot throughout. The ceilings are curved and described as cloud-like. The primary suite is finished in mirrors and velvet, with oversized walk-in wardrobes and a primary bath with double sinks, a soaking tub, and a shower. The office is in zebra wood with an en-suite bath — a detail the Reddit poster called out specifically, having apparently been briefed by the listing's designer. Three bedrooms, four bathrooms, two powder rooms, three parking spaces, and a storage unit complete the infrastructure. The art on the bedroom floor and etched into the mirror walls was noted by the Reddit poster as interesting, and possibly instructional. No clarification was provided.

Think of the Parties

The Reddit commenter who wrote "Think of the PARTIES you could throw... until the music stops" captured both the appeal and the inherent melancholy of a 600-square-foot disco room in a residential property — a space built for a specific kind of life, located in a specific kind of city, at a specific kind of price. South of Fifth is Miami Beach's southernmost neighborhood, steps from South Pointe Park, Biscayne Bay, and the Atlantic Ocean. Portofino Tower is a full-service building at the tip of the island. The wraparound unobstructed views of city, ocean, and bay are real. The Miami Vice aesthetic is real. The zebra wood office is real. The starlight ceiling is real. The $500,000 price cut suggests the market for a residential disco room is specific, even in Miami Beach. The OP asked: who could say no to a Casa Disco in the Sky? For $9,495,000, the answer is: most people, but not everyone.

The Internet Has Thoughts

Naturally, this listing caught the attention of Reddit's r/zillowgonewild community. See what people are saying about it here.

A 600 sq ft disco room, a Rolls-Royce starlight ceiling, a zebra wood office, mirrors, velvet, and Bay views. $9,495,000. View the full listing here.

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