A 15,000 Sq Ft Houston Time Capsule Full of Roman Columns

Behind 24-hour guarded gates in Piney Point Village, this 1980 Houston estate is a monument to 1980s excess: columns, marble, and a Roman motif that never quite stops. The listing gently suggests you might remodel it or start over. Reddit had a different suggestion, which was more columns.

Rome, by Way of 1981

The 15,294-square-foot home has 5 bedrooms and 8 baths on about 0.82 acres in Farnham Park, one of Houston's most private enclaves. A 1981 Houston Home Tour description of the house, which the Reddit poster dug up, is a lot: rose-colored marble columns and purple marble fountains in the entry, Roman columns around both an outdoor and an indoor pool, murals throughout with an Egyptian, Grecian, and Roman theme, and an indoor tennis court that doubled as a dance floor and roller rink. The house isn't far from the Galleria, Memorial City, and Downtown, with access to Spring Branch ISD schools. That tour description is 45 years old, so what's left of the original decor is a question for a showing.

What the Listing Is Really Selling

The listing leans on the land and the address: remodel the existing 1980 residence, or build a custom estate on the homesite. Commenters who looked through the photos called the interior really dated and said the gold-topped columns in the sitting room would have to go, but felt the place has good bones. They also noticed the exterior and pool deck look neglected, with a deck that needs replacing and an exterior that doesn't seem to have been repainted in a long time. Buyers would want to look closely at all of it.

The Internet Has Thoughts

Naturally, this listing caught the attention of Reddit's r/zillowgonewild community, where the top reaction was "needs more columns," followed quickly by a request for more cowbell. One commenter loved the carpeted office atrium with ornate column tops poking through like uninvited party guests. Someone looked at the satellite view and pointed out the pool is in the front yard while the back of the property meets a school practice field, and another summed up the whole place as a Vegas hotel behind a very ratty exterior. A Houston native said it took them right back to the era, and someone else joked that oil prices will never come back down. See what people are saying about it here.

Think you know what a 15,000-square-foot Houston time capsule in a guarded enclave costs? Take the price quiz and find out. View the full listing here.